New Life, New Friends

Last night was one of the rare occasions when I was able to enjoy a girls' night. Only this time, I was out with my "new" friends, instead of the girls whom I always considered my closest friends in town. For several years now, I have been friends with a handful of girls that are all smart, independent, successful, career driven, and so much fun. We were always orchestrating group get-togethers, whether it was for a holiday, a birthday, a night out partying, dinner, a community event, or an after work glass of wine. We were the type of girls that wrote group emails and text messages, and talked daily. I would guess that we would see each other at least 3 times a week. Most importantly, we always had fun.

Well, that was then and this is now. I honestly believed while I was pregnant, that after my baby arrived, we would all still be hanging out in our group like the girls on Sex in the City. Miranda did it with a kid, why can't I? The reality is that as my pregnancy progressed, the invitations wore thin. Soon after I had my baby, and my friends came to see this new little bundle for the first time, there was never a second visit. Yes its true, all my "friends" in town have yet to see the adorable baby my 5 month old son has grown into. I do on occasion get the rare invitation to join in some event with my girls. However, there is always some time, money, or child care restriction for me, and thus I'm never able to attend. Not once, has any of them suggested any dinner, lunch, coffee, or outdoor gathering where I would be able to bring both myself and my baby. I suppose its because they are all still in the single and loving it mode, and can't be bothered to be dragged down by any drooling tot and its proud mother.

Not all was lost in the friend department though, I do see one of my oldest girlfriends quite regularly. Primarily because she also has a little boy who is now 14 months old. So we decided to join a "mom's group" together and picked one with younger aged children, like our own. The first couple events I went to were at the park where all the little ones could play and mommy's could chat. Always fun for me and worth it for the little guy to get some of that restless energy out. Conversations always run around the children's ages, names, stages, etc. What else do you have to talk about when you become a mother? Last night's event was strictly for mommy's only. The setting was a fondue restaurant and the conversations were basically the same. All about our kids and pregnancies. The only difference this time, was that it was accompanied by a glass of wine and not interrupted by a wriggling baby. It was, one of the best nights out I have had since little man arrived. No pressure to stay abrest of the latest celebrity gossip, or in-town gossip, and no pressure to make sure I don't over-step my quota on "mommy talk". I basically limit that to only answer questions about the baby when asked, and never to start a conversation with "my baby....". It was simply nice to share conversations with women who are all going through the exact same thing. In fact, one of the pregnant women has the exact same high-risk syndrome that I had.

Does having a baby mean losing friends? I truly believed that would never happen to me, but here I am in the thick of it. Early on I was slightly angry about it. However, now I am accepting of the change. I realize that my "old" friends are a little self-absorbed into their own lives, which I perfectly understand. It doesn't mean I love them any less. It just signifies the fact that in the real world, when people are in varying stages of life then contact between them dimishes. Although it does make it easier to swallow when one of the friends from the "old group" tells you that "we are all jealous of your life. You're the one who's doing something, we are the ones doing nothing new. Don't ever feel like you're missing out on anything."

I knew then, that I didn't lose any friends, I just have to add new ones who are in the same mommy stage. I'm sure the old ones will join me again once they get here.