My Husband, The Good Father

Before we had our baby, I, like most women out there, would imagine the kind of father my husband would be. I would create images in my head of him holding and kissing the baby, rocking him to sleep, talking to him in his "baby voice", and doing the dad type of things such as throwing him in the air as the baby laughs. I always knew he would be a hands-on, doting father.

I knew this because men are predictable in this fashion. He was always caring, thoughtful, nurturing and doting toward me. From our first date, he had that sense of "needing to provide", that many men have (but trust me, there are a lot of men out there lacking this trait). However, since we were rarely around children, the true test came when I could see the kind of "father" he would be toward our English Bulldog puppy that I surprised him with 2 years ago. Of course he passed with flying colors. His "princess", as he lovingly refers to her, is loved to the brink of being spoiled. I think at one point, I was slightly suspicious that he might love our dog more than he loved me. He never treated her as our pet, she was always our child. She slept in the bed with us, he would cuddle her and kiss her wrinkly face that only a father could love, but he was equally firm with disciplining her. She has turned out to be a sweet and well-behaved dog. After seeing all this first hand, I was convinced he would be an excellent father; and I was right. All of those loving parental traits carried over seamlessly to our baby. From the moment our little man arrived, my husband easily melded into the role of doting daddy. There were no awkward moments for him holding the baby, they bonded immediately (even before I had a chance to), and he was the first one to change the baby's diaper since I could barely move due to the pain from my c-section. Not once did I ever have to show my husband how to do anything in regards to caring for our baby. Pretty nice, I have to admit.

The thing that I did not anticipate, is that he would continue to love our bulldog as his "delicate precious angel" and our baby boy as his "tough guy" that can handle a little crying. I'm glad that he hasn't just kicked our dog out to the garage simply because we have a baby now, I just assumed there would be a hierarchy in the family order. As for me, I love our "little girl", but she has definitely taken a back seat to the demands of the baby. And quite frankly, I naturally love my baby a whole lot more than the dog. However, there are times when it is clearly hard to decipher if the dog or baby is more favored by him. My husband is such a good father in fact, that he goes to great lengths to make sure the love and attention is equally spread out between "his princess" and his son. He still tucks the dog in each night, as she still shares our bed with us, only now, I have to find space in our bed to nurse the baby at night. If I rock or coddle the baby, my husband will automatically do the same to the dog "so she won't feel left out". When he is traveling for work, the first thing he will ask about is "how his precious angel is doing", and since he has never given me that name, I know it's not me that he is referring to. He even greets the dog first when he walks in the door. The funny part is that he will lovingly remind me to kiss, or cuddle, or massage our bulldog when he is away. HA! Like I have the time!

I will say that it took a little time for me to accept the fact that he was not going to put the dog second to the baby, the way I did. They are equal in his eyes. My conclusion from these observations: That my husband is not just a good father, he is an excellent father and has the ability to play no favorites in his family. He will truly be able to give all of his children equal attention (maybe it's the middle child syndrome). It is I, who may have the problem splitting time and attention between multiple children. We'll see.

If the economy is so bad, explain this!

WTF! That's all I can say. The economy is horrible, right? People are losing their jobs left and right, correct? Then why is it that every time I go shopping, the service is shitty, the shelves are empty and I can't find a parking spot??

We just got home from Babies R Us where we potentially could have spent $500. today. We need some big ticket items. Besides the fact that we couldn't even find a salesperson to help us, when we did find the area where the items were, they were sold out.

We picked up a couple things that weren't even what we went for. The lines at the register were long and then one cashier closed. Seriously!! If the job market is so tough, why isn't service impeccable?

This isn't just the case at Babies R Us. I've had the same problem at Target, Stride Rite, Macy's and Bloomingdale's recently (to name a few.)

I was shopping for bridal gowns with my soon to be sister in law yesterday. We went to a bridal salon that only sells couture gowns (I would say the average price there for a wedding dress is around $3000-3500.) We literally had to park in the hotel parking lot next door and had to make an appointment. If Bride A didn't buy a dress, our consultant was about to move on to another client! (The service there was excellent, I must add, for a change.) I witnessed several brides purchase gowns in a short time period yesterday. Of the gowns I recognized, 1 was a $5000 Monique Lhuillier, another a $5500 Ines de Santo. I've heard the wedding biz is seeing a slump, too. I guess these brides decided to serve their guests chicken instead of filet in lieu of giving up their couture! (I say good decision!)

I believe the economy is bad. I am starting to hear of some people I personally know having troubles. Independent contractors who aren't getting projects, friends whose hours are being cut, or their company's are closing. It just seems like the media is spurring this economic crisis more than anything else because in LA, it seems pretty much like business as usual in the stores.

Word to those gainfully employed in a restaurant, store or other service position: Maybe you oughta "go above and beyond" because if the service I've seen keeps up, and the economy keeps going down, you will probably be living on your unemployment check.

My favorite Celeb sighting!

Hi Sisters, I just had to share about my celeb sighting today! I think this is my best random sighting of all time! I took baby A and 3 girlfriends and we went to brunch at a local organic vegan restaurant, and sitting straight across from me, lookin' right at me was Reese Witherspoon! She is much smaller than I thought, her hair is darker, she needs her roots done like me and her chin doesn't look nearly as big as onscreen. She was alone but there were 2 teas on the table.... and suddenly here comes Jake Gylenhal from the bathroom! He looked..... exactly the same.

This is the best celeb sighting I've had in a while. Living in LA, I see people quite a bit, but these are probably the biggest stars I've seen randomly (not at a planned event or party.) Just wanted to share! =)

Gotta love your MIL

I just came from spending a couple hours with my Mother in law. I try to take baby A to see her when the cleaning lady is at my house or when I will be in her neighborhood, which is a comfortable twenty-some miles from my home. I left today, as I often do, with a headache.

Now don't get me wrong, I love my MIL. She is a very warm and loving mother (along with controlling and extremely opinionated, but that's to be expected I suppose.) A typical Jewish mother, except a younger and more attractive version of what you would picture.

The thing is, like many Grandmothers, she is constantly offering her opinion but in such a way that it sounds like she is saying I am a bad mother. My husband says that I am just sensitive and imagining it, but I don't think so. She made a comment today about the shoes baby A is wearing. A has a little runny nose and it seems like she is either possibly teething or getting a little cold and somehow, some way, it's like she is in a competition with me to diagnose A first. Every time I tell a story that I think she would truly enjoy about A's development (like her new obsession with reading the same book over and over and over) she has to try to one-up me! Yes, my MIL taught A to clap her hands. That's awesome! I'm psyched! I totally give her credit! I am not all jealous and needing to try to take that away from her.

My MIL sees A twice a week on average. Somehow, though, it's like she needs to compete with me over who saw which milestones first. Seriously? I am with the child 24/7; you see her maybe 5 hours a week! It kills me when she says "OMG, you have to see what she just did; she was standing up all by herself and clapping!" Um, yeh, she's been doing that for a while now.

This isn't the case with my Mom at all. My Mom has never done anything remotely offensive or improper, or made any comments. This always seems to be the case; the MIL is the issue, never our own mother's. Why is that?

I know my MIL loves my daughter. She loves her like crazy! I just wonder why she can't enjoy her WITH me and not try to prove that she is a better mother than I am or something. I get it, you raised 3 kids. I respect you. Is it too much to ask for a little respect in return?

Measuring Family Ties ~ Eva

I have long imagined what life would be like to start my own family. I'm sure all women do. You think about what the baby will look like, you imagine sweet smiles and loving coos, and how full your days would be caring for and playing with your new bundle. The one thing I never imagined, nor EVER came to mind, is what it would be like for the extended family. Having a baby truly strengthens the family ties and our ties are now about 25 inches long - coincidentally, the current length of my baby boy.

I have to be brutally honest here; that is way too short and too close for comfort, for me. I have never been the kind of girl that needed to stick close to home for family, or got homesick, or wanted to move back to a town near my sister or parents, and definitely did not ask for help or seek out their advice. Hence, why I was never for a moment, scared to move so far away from them. I am a loner of sorts and thrive in my independence. I do enjoy talking with my family often and visiting with them in a 3 day (maximum) duration a few times a year. They understand this about me and have not infringed on my privacy or independence at all since my firstborn baby arrived. What I did not anticipate, is how my in-laws would act.

First of all, let me start off by saying that my husband's family is wonderful. They are truly the warmest, nicest, most thoughtful midwestern people you could imagine - as though they walked straight off the streets of the real Mayberry. We're talking parents still together (very rare these days) and three successful and good-looking children, whom all get along well with each other, and have all accepted me as though I was heaven sent (my husband laughs at that). I'm especially close to my sister-in-law, who is my husband's baby sister. She is the kind of girl you want to hate but can't - she's gorgeous, very successful, extremely generous, funny, and angelic. The kind of girl who can make anyone they meet, genuinely feel like the most important person in the room (a trait I've never been good at). Basically, she is the absolute opposite of all my former boyfriends' younger sisters ( a story I'll save for another time). The catch is, our baby, my baby, is the absolute first baby in his entire family. He is the first grandchild and great grandchild. Talk about pressure.

While pregnant, I imagined this to be a good thing. I thought about how loved (and spoiled) my little man would be. Since my baby is simply the youngest in a huge brood of granchildren among my family, I thought it would be special that he is the first in my husband's. I remember my co-worker saying to me that everything will change with the in-laws once the baby arrives. I defended myself and my in-laws, saying "No way. I love them. It won't be like that." I admit now, how very wrong I was. Having a baby has greatly changed the dynamics of my relationship with my in-laws; and not for the better.

The best one-word description for my new feelings toward it all is annoyance. I honestly kept an open-mind throughout my pregnancy regarding the roles of my MIL and FIL. Yes, I got a little annoyed when they stayed for a long weekend with us in the summer, but mainly because they took over my kitchen and treated me like I was crippled. I kindly reminded them that I was simply pregnant, and was more than capable of getting my own drink. The change really hit me when my MIL stayed with us for TEN DAYS after the baby was born. We literally got discharged from the hospital and drove straight to the airport to pick her up. TEN DAYS!!

Holy cow, I still get shivers when I think about it. I can't even spend 3 consecutive days with my own family. In that long and dreadful week and a half, I learned a lot about myself. Mainly, that I absolutely abhor unsolicited advice. Is there some unwritten law out there, that once a MIL becomes a grandmother to your child, she has a lifelong fulfillment to tell her daughter-in-law exactly how to do EVERYTHING? The second thing I learned about myself is that I'm truly so happy that we do not live within driving distance of them. I know this is somewhat selfish on my part, because maybe my son would enjoy having his grandparents nearby as he grows. OK, it is selfish. I don't care! I justify it by thinking that my child would rather have a "happy mommy" than a frustrated one who has to deal with daily house calls. Ugh!

I think the part that frustrates me most about the advice is that it is sooo outdated. I mean back when she had kids, they didn't even strap them in car seats for God's sake. They just let them run around the moving vehicle like it was romper room. I remember calling my fellow sister Jennifer, and through tears of frustration, venting my guilty feelings for not wanting my sweet MIL in my home or near my child. She said something that has stuck with me ever since, "maybe if they read a book about babies that was written in the last decade...". That could not be more true! Let's see, the major highlights were that she had no clue as to what SIDS is (which I fully explained, backed with medical evidence), she never even looked at our baby registry and therefore had no idea what any of our baby gear was used for, she would try and take the baby away from me when I was nursing him or changing his diapers or simply bonding with him (and she would do it in a fashion to make me feel like I NEEDED her help because I couldn't handle it on my own), and the straw that broke the camel's back was when she attempted to give me her ideas (that were incorrect) on my difficult start to breastfeeding.

For the pregnant women and new moms out there, I will explain the breastfeeding situation. It took almost a week for my milk to come in, due to my stressful delivery. My baby latched on right away, but soon got tired and frustrated with the colostrum and wanted more substance. He has always been, and still is, a ferocious eater and wants his milk as quickly as you can give it. On the second day after his birth I noticed he would start rooting, latch on, and then push himself away out of frustration, then simply cry himself to sleep. On the third day, the nurses said he lost a significant amount of weight and so I had the lactation nurses come in to our room. They explained that some babies just don't want the colostrum and start to push away from the breast, if this happens too many times, the baby will associate your breast with "no milk" and simply detach, which was exactly what he was doing. Thankfully, they set me up with a supplemental feeding system that allowed the baby to get formula fed while he latched on, thus helping to stimulate your milk supply and teaching the baby that mommy's breast is a "good thing". As any woman who has breastfed knows, the more the baby latches on, the more your body will increase milk supply. End result: my milk came in like a flood after 6 or 7 days and he quickly gained his weight back.

Back to my MIL story, so during this stressful period of waiting for my milk to come in, she ignorantly tells me that I should stop the supplemental feeding system because it was "tricking" my body and thus preventing the milk from coming (WTF?), and then blatantly tells me that I needed to "rethink" my expectations of what motherhood and a schedule for my baby would be like and "just go with the flow". That second statement really got under my skin because I had no, and still do not have, ANY type of strict schedule. From day one, it has always been according to the baby's mood each day. This is not my first experience with babies. I am very close to 7 of my nieces and nephews, acted as a free live-in nanny for my sisters first-born, and have also worked as a nanny for several wealthy families, which meant practicly raising their children. I knew she was projecting and thinking about herself when she was a new mother (thirty some years ago). Needless to say, I blew my lid and drew a very defined boundary around myself and my baby.

Anyway, what is my point besides dredging up past irritants about the in-laws? Well, she called today saying that she is sending me a book on methods for getting the baby to sleep through the night. I know why my baby doesn't sleep all the way through the night, it's because he's ALWAYS hungry. Back to my point of him being a ferocious eater. Therefore, he will most likely be on this schedule until I start him on solids such as rice cereal.

Back to biting my tongue. ...

I'm sure I'll keep you informed of MIL updates, since that is now on my hot list. Gotta go... baby's hungry.

Eva's obsession with The Biggest Loser

Yes, I admit that I am obsessed with the show "The Biggest Loser". I can't exactly pinpoint why. Maybe it is because I like to see the contestants turn their lives around and get healthy, or maybe because watching the trainers, Bob and Jillian, drill their teams to the brink of death is motivational yet amusing to me (if they can do it after years of being sedentary, then I can certainly get to the gym today), but part of it is pure fascination.

As I started my group training session yesterday, I got a sudden pang of enthusiasm when one of the women (all of which are new mothers in this group) and my trainer, whom I compare to a sweeter version of Jillian, were discussing this week's episode. Specifically, they were discussing Bob's blow-up at one of his trainees (which I thought was AWESOME). My first thought was a "so there" to my husband, since he thinks I'm just a wee bit crazy for watching every episode for the past three seasons. Then, my next rational thought was "I'm so glad that I'm not the only one with this obsession". These women, are not only self-proclaimed addicts to The Biggest Loser, they are also in phenomenal shape. I can understand why my trainer would be a fan of the show due to her being in the same profession as Bob and Jillian, but what about my fellow workout partner? Turns out, she watches the show for the same exact reasons I do.

I'm mainly just fascinated with the aspect of how The Biggest Loser contestants have all gotten to the point where they are at the start of the show. After watching the background pieces on each person, you'll find some with food addictions, or some with a hardship they couldn't get over in their past, for others they simply "let themselves go".

On the news, they continually report on the obesity problem in America for adults and children. I will admit, that before I really started watching the show, I wasn't aware of how big this problem apparently is. See, I live in a very fit community. It's a beachtown, which has a lot to do with people's incentive for staying in shape. But more than that, it is an active community where people stay socially involved by staying fit. Whether we see our acquaintances at the gym, a pilates class, playing a sport, or jogging on one of the many trails in town, it seems to be the primary and socially acceptable way to meet people and gain friends in town. It's as though your exercise agenda adds credibility to your character. It's amazing how many times I've heard "oh she runs half-marathons", or "she goes to the pilates studio", or "he goes to the crosstraining gym". A big part of conversations with friends, co-workers, acquaintances is our workout schedule. Just ask my husband, having moved here only three years ago, he has more friends than I do, and 90% of them he met by seeing them daily at the gym. Therefore, living in my small and somewhat vain community has put blinders on me, as to what a big part of America looks like. I apologize for that. On the upside, it provides me with a plethora of exercise partners who are all working for the same healthy goals, and thus eliminating a great deal of temptation that middle-America may face.

The other part of my fascination stems from my compassionate side. I can understand the difficulties each contestant faced during their lives, that led them down the unhealthy path they are on. Then my excitement builds each week as I see these people shed pounds, add strength and gain confidence. Ultimately, I just like to see people improve their lives and themselves. Watching this, drives me to improve my own health and strength. So when my trainer starts telling me to "push through the pain", I find some hidden inner strength to complete this tortuous action. The result is that I've steadily gotten stronger every week since the birth of my baby. Woo Hoo to that!

So thank you Biggest Loser for those "last chance workouts".

http://www.nbc.com/The_Biggest_Loser/

A life more organized ~jennifer

Yikes! I've been running around like the proverbial chicken with her head cut off; each day, just aimlessly accomplishing (or not accomplishing) tasks and feeling little sense of completion. Well, my friends, the thousands I spent on my business coach back in the career days are not a complete waste because I pulled out the old dry erase board, listed my priorities in life using the "5 spheres" and have it right in the open to see. My goal is to complete 1 thing in each sphere each day. Today I have reached this goal, even though it is 4:20pm and I haven't showered yet.

The spheres are Spiritual, Family, Business(which is my home), Personal, Financial.

I'm praying in the morning again, which always helps the day go by a bit better. And I'm feeling pretty good, although a bit stinky because I DID make it to the gym (check for the Personal sphere.) If baby girl wasn't napping on the couch, I'd go scrub up.

Tata for now!

Can We Truly Have It All? ~ Eva

As modern women, we put so much pressure on ourselves to "have it all". This simple three word phrase can pack a powerful punch to our stress levels as we try to achieve this status. Most women have a preconceived notion of what exactly 'having it all' means to her. My idea of having it all includes the loving marriage, the beautiful family, the svelte body, and the successful career. That seems attainable, right? Well, in my experience, when you are working hard on one or two of the factors, then one of the others suffer. I've met high-powered women who don't get to see their children as often as they like, due to the demands of their career. Or the women who chase their career and never have time to meet a man, or get to the gym. In my case, it has been my career that suffered.

I still remember heading off to college with big dreams of living in a big city like New York or Chicago or San Francisco, working at my glamorous job in fashion marketing and meeting my stylish girlfriends for lunch at trendy cafe`s, as though I was in a scene from Sex and The City. Somewhere along the way, my focus shifted toward boys, relationships, and the idea of the beautiful family life. I have, at least, managed to successfully stay in shape over the past decade.

If only I could have devoted some of that energy toward my career goals. It's not like I haven't worked and had good jobs in my chosen field of marketing, but how glamorous of a job can you get in a smallish city? And I should point out, that they have merely been good jobs and not the high-powered, high-salaried marketing positions I ultimately envisioned myself having. I look around at some of my friends, many of whom are successful attorneys, or I look at my SIL whom has a successful and well paid sales career in fashion in San Fran, and I start to feel inadequate. Why didn't I go to law or med school? Or more realistically, I begin thinking about the opportunities to move to a city that I passed on, or how I left the PR job at a big firm in a bigger city because I felt the need to be closer to my ex-fiance`, and the next thing that comes to mind is what would my career look like now? First of all, maybe I would still have a job right now instead of being laid-off like my current situation (and many previous situations). Also, my financial security and independence would be in a much higher bracket. My friends who can purchase the BMW of their choice, take that trip to Hawaii on short notice, or buy those pretty Manolos, and all on their own paychecks, can at times strike a twinge of envy in me. Not because I'm envious of their items, but because they were able to make large ticket purchases from their own earnings and I feel that I should be able to do the same. Sure I've always been able to pay my own bills, but my earnings only allow me to buy discount designer items on ebay or a year's worth of saving to take that trip to the Caribbean.

On the other hand, what I finally ended up getting, means so much more to me than financial success. I got the devoted husband and the beautiful baby, all in a gorgeous seaside town. No, I may not be driving a German vehicle, or briskly walking by designer stores and trendy cafes on my way to work, but I got in life, the very things that these women are lacking and some of them are now wanting. . . I get to kiss my smiling baby every morning, easily drive on streets without traffic to the nearest Starbucks and Target, go jogging on the beach, boating in the summer, and have a handyman on retainer (a.k.a. my husband). As I mentioned in a previous blog, these are the aspects in life that mattered most to me. It's not to say that I still don't want the big career, but something had to give - and I refuse to sacrifice the blessings I did receive.

Jennifer and Oprah and skinny bitches like my friends

I guess I've turned a corner in life because I just bought O magazine for the first time instead of my favorite guilty pleasure, like Us Weekly, Life and Style, or some other gossip rag. I was so inspired by what I read that I recorded Oprah's best week ever this week on my DVR. When I was watching the Monday show and her interview, I got a little teary. True, I am still breastfeeding and still more emotional than I ever was before having a baby, but I really identified with her. Hearing OPRAH, who is so established, successful, amazing, etc. talk about her weight in such a way really helped me to stop beating myself up about it. Okay, maybe not entirely, but if even Oprah is still battling it, I'm not the worst person in the world if I haven't mastered it yet either.

When Oprah said "I can't believe I am still talking about my weight" and she kept saying it, emphatically, over and over, I could have been saying the same exact thing. All these years, successes, failures, thinking I had it down only to lose control again.... "I can't believe I am still talking about my weight."

It's probably important for me to say that I have never had a weight PROBLEM, per se. Just have never been satisfied with myself. Even when I was a size 4, it wasn't enough. I still didn't see myself the way I wanted to. Now I am a post-baby size 8, sometimes I still need to wear the old size 10's from a couple months ago. I feel a lot better than I did over the summer, but I feel like if I can just get back into my 6's, I will be happy. But will I? Will it be enough then? I PROMISE right here and now that WHEN I get back in my 4's I will never call myself fat again!

The weird thing is, you know how they say anorexics, or maybe even someone like me in my size 4 days, sees a warped image in the mirror? They see themselves as bigger than they really are? Well, now I think I see myself SMALLER.... I feel like I am looking more like I used to, but then in a photo I look huge! HATE THAT!

I guess it never helped either that I grew up with a very petite mother, sister, Grandmother and that Angelina, Eva and Victoria are all very thin. I was always the biggest one and I guess even if I wasn't really "big" compared to the rest of the world, I was compared to *my* world. I was 5'5" and 115 lbs. in high school. What the heck was wrong with me that I had body issues?? That's what ya get for being part of the beautiful people I guess. Poor Me. =)

"I can't BELIEVE I am still talking about my weight."

10 month old babies are magical!

Jen's life just got a little bit easier. For the past couple months, maybe since Miss A was 7 or 8 months old, things haven't been so wonderful as a stay at home Mom. As I posted before, I was looking for an escape by the end of the day and she was driving me nuts! I couldn't go pee in the other room without her whining for me and constantly needing to be with me. This means I got nothing done at home and was just frustrated with my innocent, sweet little baby.

Her 10 month birthday was a few days ago and bam! it was like presto-chango. She is such a joy to be with again and I have been having so much fun with her that I didn't even want to leave her to go to my monthly girls cribbage game night! She plays on her own when I need to do things and when we play together, she is hysterically funny. My baby girl is growing up! She even lets me take a shower!

On a "keeping the balance in my life" note: I signed up for a 3 week purification cleanse at my gym. I start January 18. It's protein shakes, cleanse pills and lots of fruits, veggies and clean protein. It's to rid the body of toxins, reset the metabolism and get rid of cravings. Oh, and a little bonus of losing 5-15 lbs. I'm so totally committed to this; I think I'll even get some colonics during the process. Yippee! Oprah's said her life is out of balance. Maybe she should try it too!

Eva asks "Who is the love of my life?"

So my husband reads my blog entry this morning, and half-sarcastically says to me "That's a lie. I'm not the love of your life." I look shocked and asked him what on earth he was talking about. He replies, "Our son is the love of your life. I'm merely the guy who gave him to you."

Ok, so my adorable 3 month old boy, whom I lovingly refer to as My Little Man (and sometimes he bears the name Stinker for obvious reasons), has completely stolen my heart the moment they cut me open after 1 induction, 2 epidurals, 15 long hours of labor and 1 spinal, and pulled this semi-little/kinda big baby out. Why all that, you ask, only to have a C-section? Simply, because he wasn't going to fit. And that is the kind of love that a mother has for her child. So is my husband right? Is Little Man the new love of my life? It absolutely feels that way.

You see, he may have been a surprise, but was positively a HUGE blessing after some hardships and a lot of prayers. I have a form of thrombosis, a blood-clotting disorder that gets induced by pregnancy. This caused a couple miscarriages for me, which for anyone who has endured one knows how heartwrenching they are. One was with my ex-husband so I took that as a blessing in disguise since I knew the marriage wasn't right anyway. Another was with my current husband before we got married. That one was extremely difficult for me to deal with because I still wasn't sure why it had happened. It was a blighted ovum and started to grow but then suddenly stopped. Of course I began thinking the worst, that I wouldn't be able to carry a child to term, yet I knew that I wanted to have children with this man. My OB at the time offered no support or knowledge. Their response was, "there is nothing you can do". Well, that answer has never sat well with me. So I started my own research based on my family's medical history and guessed that I should be tested for a few possible causes. I should also mention that I haven't used birth control in almost a decade due to various side effects. So it worried me that I only got pregnant twice during that time.

Eventually I moved passed the difficult period and suddenly I was pregnant - again. I couldn't believe it! How did this happen... Oh yeah, I remember. Then the anxiety set in - and we were both not investing too much happiness into it. It's very sad when something wonderful happens and you can't let yourself celebrate it because you fear it will be taken away from you. When I went to my OB again, they actually said to me that they were not going to do an ultrasound until 12 weeks because they weren't sure what was going to happen to me. WTF?!! Are these medical people f-in crazy? They either were too stupid to know that my miscarriages could have been preventable or they were just the most negative group in the city.

I obviously left them without saying a word and referred myself (claiming a doctor referred me so I could get in a.s.a.p) to one of the best specialists in the area. He got me right in and reviewed my medical history with me - I think I was 6 weeks along and deathly afraid that I might literally start bleeding at any given moment. I almost expected it. He decided to start testing my blood that day, which meant the first thing needed was an ultrasound to determine yet another blighted ovum. I just knew that my body was preventing these little ones from growing. So with my then fiance in the room with me, I layed down on the table and watched the screen for the bad news. Suddenly I saw a blinking bean on the screen and looked at the doctor for confirmation. Yes, the little guy had a heartbeat, a strong heartbeat. The doctor determined that I couldn't be tested for everthing since it was still a viable heartbeat but promised quick results for what could be tested. I loved their sense of urgency - something that was clearly lacking at my old OB. It was pure angst waiting those 2 days for results. I wanted this pregnancy so badly at this point but I refused to let myself get attached. ..

I will never forget the day the nurse called me to come back to the office to start treatment. They infact found (what I had suggested could be a possible cause) my blood to have a form of thrombosis. I was immediately put on a blood thinner that I had to give myself via shots to my stomach twice daily for the entire length of my pregnancy. Sounds awful right? But my love for my unborn child started then and I was determined to bring him into this world. The rest is history. I moved on to a high-risk OB and a specialist for the latter terms of my pregnancy and grew increasingly attached to my little man because I was just certain that this prayer would be answered. That he was the one I was meant to have. But believe me, my pregnancy was no walk in the park.

So to answer my question. Is my little man the new love in my life? Yes. He fills my heart with more love and joy than I have ever thought existed. Inexplicably indescribable - as most mothers will atest to. But does he replace the love of my life? Absolutely not. It has only deepened my love for the man that my son resembles. And I know without question or reservation that my sexy husband is the love of my life, the reason my heart is so full... and why I continually waded through those muddy ponds full of carp looking for bass. That is why it is so important to me to make sure I never take him for granted.

http://www.stoptheclot.org/natt_publications/Thrombosis_and_pregnancy_factsheetLifeblood.pdf

Victoria's Embarrassing Moment at School Today...

So my sisters, even after 11 years of teaching, I have this continuing problem. It "really" does annoy me. I have tenure and nothing but impeccable observations, so when do I have to stop proving myself?

Almost every new person I meet say's, "OMG, the boys in your class must be in love with you and they are probably going home at night and ???? EEEWWWW! I'm continually saying, "NO, I'm very strict and professional, my students respect me, my long hair is pinned up and I don't look like this that at school.. blah blah blah!" My administrators and friends know this about me but there is this one nosey teacher.......

Naively she doesn't think her inquiries to my colleagues get back to me? Her most recent comment, "Victoria's students must hit on her so much?" forced me to change my nice stylish outfit one morning to a more conservative teacher look. Those tall leather boots with that medium length skirt looked so cute but I thought, NO, it will just give 45 year old negative Jan something to talk about. How much fun did I have that day after telling two people why I changed my shoes; they both contacted me by second period with a laugh. One called my room and said, “did you see Jan's outfit today, she's wearing tall black boots WITH A MINI SKIRT?” This was a male friend that said this to me; I laughed so hard and said, “that slut! The boys must hit on her!!" My male friend tries to make me feel better by telling me how jealous she is that nobody hits on her anymore. LOL He’s so funny and one of my best buds at school, so lucky to have him to vent to.

Finally, so what happened embarrassing today? Most popular senior boy in school, so he believes. He's one of those confident jocks who pulls up his sleeves in the hall and say's, "check out these guns!" while pointing to his puny muscles. Hee Hee Guess what he said to me in class? "So Miss Victoria, what are you doing on the 16th of January?" Meanwhile, guess who walked in my room behind me and heard that? I was so embarrassed and didn't know what to say so I quickly said, "I'm busy!" Yikes!!! It turns out when I reprimanded him later, he was just going to suggest that I watch a TV show that was on that night! lol Why me??? Should I confidently keep ignoring Mrs. Jan and killing her with my sweet smile and kindness or confront her? I can only figure it's competition because I do get frequent compliments on my outfits and admittedly she looks just as nice. She's married and lives in a house overlooking the lake. Why is she so curious about me?

Jennifer's really weird dream......

Sisters in crime since elementary school- where were you last night in my NIGHTMARE?? I was back in the ville and I was my age NOW but I had to go back to high school! Ummm, HCS was looking much more decrepit and I was lost, confused and it was full of really old people and very few kids. My sweet and innocent little sis was selling weed and lost her shoes and I found them on the stairs. I tried to find out where I was supposed to go and the guidance counselors were clueless. The bathrooms were NASTY and there was something about ex-prison inmates being there. The lockers were teeny tiny and falling apart. It was horrible and scary, and maybe just a little bit funny when I woke up!! I was just as frustrated and wanted to get the hell out of there as much in my dream as I did back when we were actually there!

Remember how I used to say that I would never in my life wish that I could go back to that time ? Well, right about now I must admit that I wouldn't mind it. If I had to choose, I would pick going back to the summer after graduation. The first thing I would change is I would go to college down south- maybe with Eva or even to Florida or Arizona. Somewhere warm. What the heck was I thinking going somewhere freezing cold with a guy?? I will definitely discourage my daughter from spending so much time with boyfriends and focus more on time with her sisters. The boys go- the girls don't.

Jen's off the South Beach Diet wagon

Aww, shit y'all. I just got booted off the South Beach Diet wagon. I was hungry and couldn't stand another egg, piece of cheese or salad. So I had some of the yummy Dreyer's Girl Scout Cookie Samoa ice cream that was in my freezer. Okay, I had the rest of the entire container. At least it's the light version. Ugh....

Need to see Confessions of a Shopaholic!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qwAv00EZ-nM

Definitely a movie for all sisters to enjoy. I also want to see Bride Wars, although it looks like they have shown the entire movie in the trailer already. My friend saw it (her sister works for Fox) and actually said there were still a lot of great parts!

About Eva - Down in Dixie

I am in a similar situation as my fellow "sister" Jennifer - married with a precious new baby. However, the journey for Eva getting to this stage in life has been vastly different... I have never been one to take the traditional route. As my father always said, "I'll take the road less traveled". In my case that meant that I would never follow the path that anyone in my judgemental family has ever wanted me take. Screw the naysayers, I say. I've always had an urge to happily blaze my own trail - for me it was always about the experiences, regardless of the outcome.

After "Mayberry", I moved South of the Dixie line searching for warmer weather and nicer guys, and never looking back. So I find it ironic that my sweet and sexy hubby is from the Windy City - Midwestern guys are so much nicer than their Southern counterparts. I'm what you would call a "serial monogamous dater" - my past is filled with strings of long relationships, with each slightly overlapping the previous, in my quest for true love and the white picket fence deal. Aww. Yep, you guessed it, I'm the hopeless romantic that always thought that each relationship might be "The One". I still gush at fairy-tale romantic comedies, always believing that you should not settle for any guy that is not the love of your life. Unless, that love turns out to be a controlling psycho, a momma's boy, a spineless slacker, an insecure tool, or a noncommital jerk. Nevertheless, I tirelessly sifted my way through those murky, algae-filled waters until I found him...

Although my life now is definitely NOT a Hollywood movie (the white fence looks more like some sparsely placed bushes bought on sale at Home Depot), I have to say that I am finally blessed with the things in life that I truly wanted and that matter most to me; love, family, and true friends. ... Oh, but I could write juicy books about some of the roads to get here. ;)

In this blog, I will write about my vast experiences from the rewarding yet tiring life as a new mommy while trying to be a sexy wife, to my difficult pregancy and miscarriage, to the road to our "shotgun" wedding, to my various relationships that includes an ex-husband, a previous Big Fat Greek Wedding, and life as "the other woman". And I can't forget about all the fabulous fun I had in between.

2 in 1 day from Jennifer - Baby Love!!

I just had to share, because Miss A just woke up and I swear, she changed in 1 nap. She is so beautiful, sweet, loving; it just takes my breath away. Even her hair looks different and I think she is getting her Daddy's chin. The proof is that I just fed her and she ate more than ever and with no fuss. Of course, she had to eat a lot to feed that growth spurt! I cannot believe I made something so amazing and she loves me so much. So worth being stinky all day!!

About Jennifer; Jenny from the block (of LA via Mayberry)

I'm Jennifer and so excited to have a blog to let my thoughts and emotions run free. I wrote in a journal until the last couple years. Now I don't like to because I am afraid that my husband will read it. Not because he is so awful and I have horrible things to say, but at times I need to vent and wouldn't want him to think my vents are constant feelings. Usually they are more hormonal whims.

Lately I've been really stressed. I am a SAHM, but I was a career woman before and fiercely independent. I feel very blessed to be able to stay home with Miss A, but at 10 months old and a bundle of energy, I feel like my days are Groundhog days in which I entertain her and don't even get to a shower. Last month I noticed that I was drinking almost every single night when my husband got home. Not much I guess..... I can barely get through 1 glass of wine in 3 hours with her. But I was- am- craving it and wanting it just for the release. It makes sense because that's how I always dealt with stress.

I also have about 7lbs. left to pre-baby weight which, admittedly, was a few lbs. over my happy place to begin with. So for new years, I started the South Beach diet again. That's addressing 2 issues at once- the weight as well as the booze crutch. =)

This is probably what you will read most about from me: My husband issues, baby issues and the attached guilt to that, losing the baby weight and oozing hotness, the college class I am about to start next week in my quest to finally obtain my bachelor's degree. 1 class at a time.... almost there. And probably a bit about my faith. I was Catholic, now I'm Jewish. Now you probably really understand why I want to drink and why I feel so guilty about it!!

About Victoria

Hello, my name is Victoria. I am a school teacher and admittedly very nervous that my students will find this page. =) So if it appears that I'm not writing very many details that's why? Trust me, I'M NOT SHY! =) However, I am a very private person. But once I get to trust and know you, I don't stop talking. Growing up I always claimed to be the funny one, I still believe I am the funniest friend although Angelina will beg to differ. I'm fiercely independent and have grown to enjoy my alone time, probably why I'm still single. My friends claim that nobody can keep me for 6-months. Maybe I'm starting to see a pattern and some truth to that. If so, I guess the guy that can will be the one I marry. I'll write more later on my ideal guy............. I have to go grade some papers. =)