Eva asks "Who is the love of my life?"

So my husband reads my blog entry this morning, and half-sarcastically says to me "That's a lie. I'm not the love of your life." I look shocked and asked him what on earth he was talking about. He replies, "Our son is the love of your life. I'm merely the guy who gave him to you."

Ok, so my adorable 3 month old boy, whom I lovingly refer to as My Little Man (and sometimes he bears the name Stinker for obvious reasons), has completely stolen my heart the moment they cut me open after 1 induction, 2 epidurals, 15 long hours of labor and 1 spinal, and pulled this semi-little/kinda big baby out. Why all that, you ask, only to have a C-section? Simply, because he wasn't going to fit. And that is the kind of love that a mother has for her child. So is my husband right? Is Little Man the new love of my life? It absolutely feels that way.

You see, he may have been a surprise, but was positively a HUGE blessing after some hardships and a lot of prayers. I have a form of thrombosis, a blood-clotting disorder that gets induced by pregnancy. This caused a couple miscarriages for me, which for anyone who has endured one knows how heartwrenching they are. One was with my ex-husband so I took that as a blessing in disguise since I knew the marriage wasn't right anyway. Another was with my current husband before we got married. That one was extremely difficult for me to deal with because I still wasn't sure why it had happened. It was a blighted ovum and started to grow but then suddenly stopped. Of course I began thinking the worst, that I wouldn't be able to carry a child to term, yet I knew that I wanted to have children with this man. My OB at the time offered no support or knowledge. Their response was, "there is nothing you can do". Well, that answer has never sat well with me. So I started my own research based on my family's medical history and guessed that I should be tested for a few possible causes. I should also mention that I haven't used birth control in almost a decade due to various side effects. So it worried me that I only got pregnant twice during that time.

Eventually I moved passed the difficult period and suddenly I was pregnant - again. I couldn't believe it! How did this happen... Oh yeah, I remember. Then the anxiety set in - and we were both not investing too much happiness into it. It's very sad when something wonderful happens and you can't let yourself celebrate it because you fear it will be taken away from you. When I went to my OB again, they actually said to me that they were not going to do an ultrasound until 12 weeks because they weren't sure what was going to happen to me. WTF?!! Are these medical people f-in crazy? They either were too stupid to know that my miscarriages could have been preventable or they were just the most negative group in the city.

I obviously left them without saying a word and referred myself (claiming a doctor referred me so I could get in a.s.a.p) to one of the best specialists in the area. He got me right in and reviewed my medical history with me - I think I was 6 weeks along and deathly afraid that I might literally start bleeding at any given moment. I almost expected it. He decided to start testing my blood that day, which meant the first thing needed was an ultrasound to determine yet another blighted ovum. I just knew that my body was preventing these little ones from growing. So with my then fiance in the room with me, I layed down on the table and watched the screen for the bad news. Suddenly I saw a blinking bean on the screen and looked at the doctor for confirmation. Yes, the little guy had a heartbeat, a strong heartbeat. The doctor determined that I couldn't be tested for everthing since it was still a viable heartbeat but promised quick results for what could be tested. I loved their sense of urgency - something that was clearly lacking at my old OB. It was pure angst waiting those 2 days for results. I wanted this pregnancy so badly at this point but I refused to let myself get attached. ..

I will never forget the day the nurse called me to come back to the office to start treatment. They infact found (what I had suggested could be a possible cause) my blood to have a form of thrombosis. I was immediately put on a blood thinner that I had to give myself via shots to my stomach twice daily for the entire length of my pregnancy. Sounds awful right? But my love for my unborn child started then and I was determined to bring him into this world. The rest is history. I moved on to a high-risk OB and a specialist for the latter terms of my pregnancy and grew increasingly attached to my little man because I was just certain that this prayer would be answered. That he was the one I was meant to have. But believe me, my pregnancy was no walk in the park.

So to answer my question. Is my little man the new love in my life? Yes. He fills my heart with more love and joy than I have ever thought existed. Inexplicably indescribable - as most mothers will atest to. But does he replace the love of my life? Absolutely not. It has only deepened my love for the man that my son resembles. And I know without question or reservation that my sexy husband is the love of my life, the reason my heart is so full... and why I continually waded through those muddy ponds full of carp looking for bass. That is why it is so important to me to make sure I never take him for granted.

http://www.stoptheclot.org/natt_publications/Thrombosis_and_pregnancy_factsheetLifeblood.pdf