As modern women, we put so much pressure on ourselves to "have it all". This simple three word phrase can pack a powerful punch to our stress levels as we try to achieve this status. Most women have a preconceived notion of what exactly 'having it all' means to her. My idea of having it all includes the loving marriage, the beautiful family, the svelte body, and the successful career. That seems attainable, right? Well, in my experience, when you are working hard on one or two of the factors, then one of the others suffer. I've met high-powered women who don't get to see their children as often as they like, due to the demands of their career. Or the women who chase their career and never have time to meet a man, or get to the gym. In my case, it has been my career that suffered.
I still remember heading off to college with big dreams of living in a big city like New York or Chicago or San Francisco, working at my glamorous job in fashion marketing and meeting my stylish girlfriends for lunch at trendy cafe`s, as though I was in a scene from Sex and The City. Somewhere along the way, my focus shifted toward boys, relationships, and the idea of the beautiful family life. I have, at least, managed to successfully stay in shape over the past decade.
If only I could have devoted some of that energy toward my career goals. It's not like I haven't worked and had good jobs in my chosen field of marketing, but how glamorous of a job can you get in a smallish city? And I should point out, that they have merely been good jobs and not the high-powered, high-salaried marketing positions I ultimately envisioned myself having. I look around at some of my friends, many of whom are successful attorneys, or I look at my SIL whom has a successful and well paid sales career in fashion in San Fran, and I start to feel inadequate. Why didn't I go to law or med school? Or more realistically, I begin thinking about the opportunities to move to a city that I passed on, or how I left the PR job at a big firm in a bigger city because I felt the need to be closer to my ex-fiance`, and the next thing that comes to mind is what would my career look like now? First of all, maybe I would still have a job right now instead of being laid-off like my current situation (and many previous situations). Also, my financial security and independence would be in a much higher bracket. My friends who can purchase the BMW of their choice, take that trip to Hawaii on short notice, or buy those pretty Manolos, and all on their own paychecks, can at times strike a twinge of envy in me. Not because I'm envious of their items, but because they were able to make large ticket purchases from their own earnings and I feel that I should be able to do the same. Sure I've always been able to pay my own bills, but my earnings only allow me to buy discount designer items on ebay or a year's worth of saving to take that trip to the Caribbean.
On the other hand, what I finally ended up getting, means so much more to me than financial success. I got the devoted husband and the beautiful baby, all in a gorgeous seaside town. No, I may not be driving a German vehicle, or briskly walking by designer stores and trendy cafes on my way to work, but I got in life, the very things that these women are lacking and some of them are now wanting. . . I get to kiss my smiling baby every morning, easily drive on streets without traffic to the nearest Starbucks and Target, go jogging on the beach, boating in the summer, and have a handyman on retainer (a.k.a. my husband). As I mentioned in a previous blog, these are the aspects in life that mattered most to me. It's not to say that I still don't want the big career, but something had to give - and I refuse to sacrifice the blessings I did receive.
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You bring up an excellent point about how much pressure there is on women to "do it all" and do it all well. There is something to be said for the traditional male/female role. Once I stopped working in my career and stayed at home, my relationship with my husband got so much better because we could settle more into our roles, rather than having two stressed out career people with me being resentful because why should *I* be expected to come home from work only to "work" on making dinner, laundry, etc. just because that is the traditional female role. After all, I contributed to the household equally!
ReplyDeleteDon't beat yourself up about not having that huge career in your past. You wouldn't wear the shoes anymore anyway. They don't work when you're chasing around your perfect baby boy! And you don't have to feel guilty about leaving him with a nanny and seeing him for an hour when you get home from work before his bedtime. You definitely got it right- you have been truly and thoroughly blessed! Love ya Sister xoxo