I've been a bit MIA from Sister City lately and I miss you, my friends. With planning the big 1 year old birthday party for Miss A and balancing life, I've had a hard time gathering my thoughts into any cohesive post that someone might feel like reading when I have a moment to sit at the computer! Tonight the topic of sex as a new parent seemed appropriate since I seem to have a different perspective than my husband.
You see, I feel like we "do it" pretty regularly (well, compared to other married couples I guess, but not compared to our pre-baby life, naturally.) You see, it's hard to say really, because people always say they're "Getting it" or complain that they're not, without really putting any emphasis on the frequency and what it really means. Well, for us, currently it's at least once a week now and sometimes about 3 times a week but probably not any more than that. So yeh, comparing it to the 3 times a day that wasn't unusual in the beginning of our relationship, it's not much. But now after a few days, Big Daddy claims to forget the last time he got laid because it's been "so long". Take tonight for instance. I know it sounds ridiculous, but tonight was literally the first time we had a chance since last Wednesday. My parents were in town and getting busy in the office after the baby fell asleep in our room with the woman who gave birth to me down the hall wasn't exactly the biggest turn on. Not to mention my stomach bug and general lethargy from party planning and entertaining. He thought the last time we did it was a month ago. I really believe that he thought that.
So why is it that days without sex are like dog years for men? How can a woman who is utterly exhausted from the 24/7 job of childhood still desire sex with the same enthusiasm as she did prior to becoming a Mom? Is it possible? And am I a stingy bitch of a wife for only putting out once or twice a week?
Thursday, March 5, 2009
New Life, New Friends
Last night was one of the rare occasions when I was able to enjoy a girls' night. Only this time, I was out with my "new" friends, instead of the girls whom I always considered my closest friends in town. For several years now, I have been friends with a handful of girls that are all smart, independent, successful, career driven, and so much fun. We were always orchestrating group get-togethers, whether it was for a holiday, a birthday, a night out partying, dinner, a community event, or an after work glass of wine. We were the type of girls that wrote group emails and text messages, and talked daily. I would guess that we would see each other at least 3 times a week. Most importantly, we always had fun.
Well, that was then and this is now. I honestly believed while I was pregnant, that after my baby arrived, we would all still be hanging out in our group like the girls on Sex in the City. Miranda did it with a kid, why can't I? The reality is that as my pregnancy progressed, the invitations wore thin. Soon after I had my baby, and my friends came to see this new little bundle for the first time, there was never a second visit. Yes its true, all my "friends" in town have yet to see the adorable baby my 5 month old son has grown into. I do on occasion get the rare invitation to join in some event with my girls. However, there is always some time, money, or child care restriction for me, and thus I'm never able to attend. Not once, has any of them suggested any dinner, lunch, coffee, or outdoor gathering where I would be able to bring both myself and my baby. I suppose its because they are all still in the single and loving it mode, and can't be bothered to be dragged down by any drooling tot and its proud mother.
Not all was lost in the friend department though, I do see one of my oldest girlfriends quite regularly. Primarily because she also has a little boy who is now 14 months old. So we decided to join a "mom's group" together and picked one with younger aged children, like our own. The first couple events I went to were at the park where all the little ones could play and mommy's could chat. Always fun for me and worth it for the little guy to get some of that restless energy out. Conversations always run around the children's ages, names, stages, etc. What else do you have to talk about when you become a mother? Last night's event was strictly for mommy's only. The setting was a fondue restaurant and the conversations were basically the same. All about our kids and pregnancies. The only difference this time, was that it was accompanied by a glass of wine and not interrupted by a wriggling baby. It was, one of the best nights out I have had since little man arrived. No pressure to stay abrest of the latest celebrity gossip, or in-town gossip, and no pressure to make sure I don't over-step my quota on "mommy talk". I basically limit that to only answer questions about the baby when asked, and never to start a conversation with "my baby....". It was simply nice to share conversations with women who are all going through the exact same thing. In fact, one of the pregnant women has the exact same high-risk syndrome that I had.
Does having a baby mean losing friends? I truly believed that would never happen to me, but here I am in the thick of it. Early on I was slightly angry about it. However, now I am accepting of the change. I realize that my "old" friends are a little self-absorbed into their own lives, which I perfectly understand. It doesn't mean I love them any less. It just signifies the fact that in the real world, when people are in varying stages of life then contact between them dimishes. Although it does make it easier to swallow when one of the friends from the "old group" tells you that "we are all jealous of your life. You're the one who's doing something, we are the ones doing nothing new. Don't ever feel like you're missing out on anything."
I knew then, that I didn't lose any friends, I just have to add new ones who are in the same mommy stage. I'm sure the old ones will join me again once they get here.
Well, that was then and this is now. I honestly believed while I was pregnant, that after my baby arrived, we would all still be hanging out in our group like the girls on Sex in the City. Miranda did it with a kid, why can't I? The reality is that as my pregnancy progressed, the invitations wore thin. Soon after I had my baby, and my friends came to see this new little bundle for the first time, there was never a second visit. Yes its true, all my "friends" in town have yet to see the adorable baby my 5 month old son has grown into. I do on occasion get the rare invitation to join in some event with my girls. However, there is always some time, money, or child care restriction for me, and thus I'm never able to attend. Not once, has any of them suggested any dinner, lunch, coffee, or outdoor gathering where I would be able to bring both myself and my baby. I suppose its because they are all still in the single and loving it mode, and can't be bothered to be dragged down by any drooling tot and its proud mother.
Not all was lost in the friend department though, I do see one of my oldest girlfriends quite regularly. Primarily because she also has a little boy who is now 14 months old. So we decided to join a "mom's group" together and picked one with younger aged children, like our own. The first couple events I went to were at the park where all the little ones could play and mommy's could chat. Always fun for me and worth it for the little guy to get some of that restless energy out. Conversations always run around the children's ages, names, stages, etc. What else do you have to talk about when you become a mother? Last night's event was strictly for mommy's only. The setting was a fondue restaurant and the conversations were basically the same. All about our kids and pregnancies. The only difference this time, was that it was accompanied by a glass of wine and not interrupted by a wriggling baby. It was, one of the best nights out I have had since little man arrived. No pressure to stay abrest of the latest celebrity gossip, or in-town gossip, and no pressure to make sure I don't over-step my quota on "mommy talk". I basically limit that to only answer questions about the baby when asked, and never to start a conversation with "my baby....". It was simply nice to share conversations with women who are all going through the exact same thing. In fact, one of the pregnant women has the exact same high-risk syndrome that I had.
Does having a baby mean losing friends? I truly believed that would never happen to me, but here I am in the thick of it. Early on I was slightly angry about it. However, now I am accepting of the change. I realize that my "old" friends are a little self-absorbed into their own lives, which I perfectly understand. It doesn't mean I love them any less. It just signifies the fact that in the real world, when people are in varying stages of life then contact between them dimishes. Although it does make it easier to swallow when one of the friends from the "old group" tells you that "we are all jealous of your life. You're the one who's doing something, we are the ones doing nothing new. Don't ever feel like you're missing out on anything."
I knew then, that I didn't lose any friends, I just have to add new ones who are in the same mommy stage. I'm sure the old ones will join me again once they get here.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
How I Did It... For the Realistic Mom
Lately, I've been asked a certain question enough times to decide to write about it. The question is "how did you do it?". For the past few weeks, friends, acquaintances and other mothers I have just met, have given me generous but genuine compliments on my figure, immediately followed by this certain question. Given the fact that I just had my baby 4 1/2 months ago, that is the only reason for the compliments and the curiosity. I am both appreciative and proud of the questions/compliments I receive and therefore, want to divulge my "get that body back" tips.
Before my pregnancy, I always imagined myself being one of those women who stayed slim except her bulging belly. I had visions of myself jogging, going to the gym regularly, eating only the healthiest foods, and staying as fit as I always have been. Halfway through my pregnancy, reality set in. I admit I was one of the lucky women who did not fight boughts of nausea on a daily basis, thank goodness. However, at the end of my first trimester, I did go through a month of the worst migraines I've ever experienced, that would last from the time I woke up until bedtime. They basically left me bedridden and holed up in dark room, mainly because I could not take any medicine at that point in the pregnancy for baby's health. My second trimester was wonderful. I felt great and had energy and used that time wisely because I knew it wouldn't last long. Everyday, I would go walking and do some yoga at home. Due to my high-risk pregnancy, I was not allowed to run or engage in any exercise that would raise my heart rate up too much. So, walking and yoga it was. My third trimester was misery. Since I live in the South, it was extremely hot and humid, therefore making me swell to enormous proportions, which made it far too uncomfortable to do any walking outside. I would simply do what I could, when I could. I was surely not a healthy eater due to my uncontrollable chocolate cravings, which forced me to eat a chocolate chip cookie, from the local bakery, every single day until I gave birth. On the other hand, I never overdid it. Moderation is key.
The end result was that I gained somewhere around 38 to 40 pounds, and gave birth 2 weeks early to a baby that was over 8 lbs. I believe my pregnancy information is important to tell, so you understand that I was certainly no supermodel who only gained 15 lbs and immediately lost it all during the delivery.
My goal has always been to get back down to my "dating weight". Not the size I was at before my pregnancy, but the svelte size I was (back in the day) when I had the prowess to capture handsome, virile men like my husband. Not that it's the men I'm after now, I just simply want to get back into my teeny True Religion jeans because I can't afford to buy new designer jeans. With the economy and all, it makes sense, right? Very close to fitting into those sexy little jeans and feeling great about it. Currently, I'm somewhere between my pre-pregnancy size and my "dating weight", which I call my "cougar-fighting weight". It's the size that makes me feel confident enough to fight off the "cougars" that attack my husband when we do venture out together.
I was never scared that I wouldn't lose the weight, because I have always been determined to keep my body in shape. I was only frustrated with the slow start because I had no idea how difficult the healing process would be. I also had no idea how little strength I would have after the pregnancy - you simply no longer have abs. They somehow get wiped away and you have to work hard to recreate them. When you are an impatient gal like me, then slow equals frustration.
So here is how to do it when you are a stay at home (or a working) mom on a budget. No celebrity paychecks here to afford the fancy chefs, nannies, and expensive daily trainers. The key to this entire equation is to primarily get moving. Nothing is going to happen if you don't work for it.
As anyone knows, after a C-section, you are in a great deal of pain and have to be very careful about the stitching. Therefore, you cannot use your abs. However, you will heal faster if you get up and get moving. While in the hospital I would walk constantly, despite the pain. When I got home, I would venture out in the neighborhood, challenging myself to walk a little farther every day. Two weeks after delivery, I was able to walk the 2 mile loop near the beach with my husband, whom was pushing the stroller. This led to me walking everyday that weather permitted, at least 2 miles, while pushing a baby stroller. The other important thing I did was get a big exercise ball - a size that is perfect for you to sit on. Instead of rocking the baby in a chair (which he didn't like anyway), I would hold him and bounce on the ball. I did this for hours a day while watching TV, and the best part is that it entertains the baby and provides great bonding for you both. Just the simple action of balancing on the ball and bouncing will strengthen your core in a safe way, so that when the incision heals, your core is strong enough to move on to more advanced ab work. I continue to bounce on the ball with the baby, daily. He loves it, and I know that I'm burning more calories than I would if I was sitting on the couch. Another significant factor is that I have breastfed my baby and still am breastfeeding. For women out there who may not know this, breastfeeding helps to shrink your uterus back to its normal size. Another one of God's blessings.
Six weeks after the delivery, I was ready to start working out again. I knew that solely going to the gym to do cardio and weights wouldn't work for me because I did not have the motivation to push myself. I found an incredible trainer who is both affordable and focuses on post-partum bodies. Since I am laid off and living off of unemployment right now, I had to be financially smart about all my exercise choices. As you may know, a good trainer will charge upwards of $60/hr. Totally out of my budget. This particular trainer caters to women on a budget by setting up group sessions of 3 to 4 women who each pay $20 for the hour. The hour-long workout consists only of circuit cross-training, which includes rounds of 4 minutes of cardio, then 4 minutes of strength, then 1 minute of abs. All the exercises she has us do, work multiple muscle groups to be the most effective. Same workout and results as a private session, but a fourth of the cost. If you don't know of a particular trainer who works this way, then you should suggest this idea to a trainer you like. They still get the same amount of pay for their work.
Since I don't have any relatives in town, and can't afford a babysitter to go and workout, my husband will watch the baby for an hour every Monday while I'm on my sanity break. This one hour to myself for hard-core exercise, is truly the best $20 a week I have ever invested. It not only allows me time away from the baby, it energizes and motivates me to exercise all week, and also provides some much needed fellow shipping with other women who are in the same boat. After each workout, I'm refreshed, missing my baby, and confident. All of which makes me a better mother. So to the mothers out there who give themselves to many negative reasons why they can't or shouldn't get to the gym at least once a week, you simply NEED it. So do it for your baby.
On a lucky week when my husband, who happens to do sales and works from our home office on occasion, is able to watch the baby, then I try to attend 1 or 2 pilates classes a week. If you do live near relatives who adore your baby and want to watch him for free, then take advantage of that and use that time to get to the gym. Once my baby reaches 6 months old, I will no longer have this problem for he will be old enough to attend the free day-care that my gym provides. That is in 5 weeks and counting. On an unlucky week, which is most of them, then I will try to do the sames exercises that we do in training or in pilates, at home. While the baby is laying down on his play mat, or in his jumparoo, I will set a goal of doing activity through an entire 30 minute TV show. The exercises consist of anything from lunge leg lifts, squat and side leg lifts, to push ups and planks, to cheerleading kicks. The best part is that my baby is entertained by watching mommy jump around like a buffoon. Who knew that my exercise could provide such great stimulation for Little Man?
Again, the key here is to just get moving. Even the simplest exercises several times a day are better than doing nothing at all. There are many days when I try to give myself excuses for not walking the 2 1/2 mile loop or going to pilates, i.e. it's too cold outside for the baby, I'm too tired, etc. On those days, I will do something but maybe in a smaller portion. For example, if I feel it's too cold or windy to walk down by the beach, then I will take a walk around our neighborhood which is always much warmer due to the wind being blocked. It may only be a mile long walk, but it's still better than if I did nothing at all. Another trick I have done since day one, is to not use a stroller or his car seat when I go shopping. I always put him in the sling when he was newborn and small, and now I use the Baby Bjorn when I go to Target, Sam's Club, the grocery store, Barnes and Noble, you name it. It's far more work to carry the baby on your body than to push a cart with him in it.
As for my diet, I don't have one. I'm not a diet-following kind of girl. I don't like depriving myself of cravings because for me, it builds up and one day I go crazy. Like eating an entire bag of Doritos during an Oprah episode. Just like Katie Holmes, I love my sugar and my cravings usually revolve around baked goods. So if I feel like eating a chocolate chip cookie or a cupcake, I will indulge myself. That always satisfies me, and I end it after one. Since my husband and I are dinner people, my breakfast and lunch are small but filling, and I save the biggest meal for last. This may not be what the experts tell you to do, but you have to do what works for your lifestyle and this is what works for mine. I enjoy cooking and have found many ways to make meals healthier by adding vegetables and cutting out the fatty stuff, and all on a tight budget. For a snack mid-day, I will make myself either a small salad or a strawberry smoothie. This does double duty by satisfying my hunger and making sure I get my daily intake of fruits or veggies. My one and only rule for my diet is that I NEVER EVER eat fast food. That is the worst thing you can ever do for yourself and it just makes your body feel like crap. Oh, mainly because there are absolutely NO nutrients in any of it. If I'm ever away from the house and getting hungry, but can't afford a healthy restaurant lunch, then I stop at a Starbucks and get a tall, non-fat latte. That is my coffee drink of choice. Tall is the smallest size, a shot of espresso has less caffeine than a regular size coffee, and the skim milk has almost no calories. The entire drink is only 60 calories and I do not add any sugar or flavored syrup to it. If I'm going to have sugar, then I save it for my sweet treat - a chocolate chip cookie. Between the milk froth and the caffeine, my hunger subsides until I can get home and eat something of substance. As for eating out, I will either share a meal with my husband or bring food home in a to-go box. My whole train of thought is portion control. Learn to know when your body is full. No person needs to eat an entire plate of pasta and bread in one sitting. That is called "exceeding the feed limit" and that is how people get fat. No gimicky diets needed as long as you burn more calories than you take it. It's as simple as that.
The results have been incredible. In four months, the weight has melted off without me having to work as hard at it as I initially thought. The training and the pilates have shaped, toned and tightened all those soft spots, and walking with a stroller is amazing cardio. As long as I kept moving in any way that I had time for, then each week I got a little slimmer. Now, I'm smaller than I was right before I got preggers, and on my way to a size 26 in True Religion language.
I know there are so many reasons we give ourselves for not being able to do something, whether it's time, or money, or energy. Don't listen to your nay-saying self. My advice to all the women out there trying to get their bodies back: Push through the pain.
Before my pregnancy, I always imagined myself being one of those women who stayed slim except her bulging belly. I had visions of myself jogging, going to the gym regularly, eating only the healthiest foods, and staying as fit as I always have been. Halfway through my pregnancy, reality set in. I admit I was one of the lucky women who did not fight boughts of nausea on a daily basis, thank goodness. However, at the end of my first trimester, I did go through a month of the worst migraines I've ever experienced, that would last from the time I woke up until bedtime. They basically left me bedridden and holed up in dark room, mainly because I could not take any medicine at that point in the pregnancy for baby's health. My second trimester was wonderful. I felt great and had energy and used that time wisely because I knew it wouldn't last long. Everyday, I would go walking and do some yoga at home. Due to my high-risk pregnancy, I was not allowed to run or engage in any exercise that would raise my heart rate up too much. So, walking and yoga it was. My third trimester was misery. Since I live in the South, it was extremely hot and humid, therefore making me swell to enormous proportions, which made it far too uncomfortable to do any walking outside. I would simply do what I could, when I could. I was surely not a healthy eater due to my uncontrollable chocolate cravings, which forced me to eat a chocolate chip cookie, from the local bakery, every single day until I gave birth. On the other hand, I never overdid it. Moderation is key.
The end result was that I gained somewhere around 38 to 40 pounds, and gave birth 2 weeks early to a baby that was over 8 lbs. I believe my pregnancy information is important to tell, so you understand that I was certainly no supermodel who only gained 15 lbs and immediately lost it all during the delivery.
My goal has always been to get back down to my "dating weight". Not the size I was at before my pregnancy, but the svelte size I was (back in the day) when I had the prowess to capture handsome, virile men like my husband. Not that it's the men I'm after now, I just simply want to get back into my teeny True Religion jeans because I can't afford to buy new designer jeans. With the economy and all, it makes sense, right? Very close to fitting into those sexy little jeans and feeling great about it. Currently, I'm somewhere between my pre-pregnancy size and my "dating weight", which I call my "cougar-fighting weight". It's the size that makes me feel confident enough to fight off the "cougars" that attack my husband when we do venture out together.
I was never scared that I wouldn't lose the weight, because I have always been determined to keep my body in shape. I was only frustrated with the slow start because I had no idea how difficult the healing process would be. I also had no idea how little strength I would have after the pregnancy - you simply no longer have abs. They somehow get wiped away and you have to work hard to recreate them. When you are an impatient gal like me, then slow equals frustration.
So here is how to do it when you are a stay at home (or a working) mom on a budget. No celebrity paychecks here to afford the fancy chefs, nannies, and expensive daily trainers. The key to this entire equation is to primarily get moving. Nothing is going to happen if you don't work for it.
As anyone knows, after a C-section, you are in a great deal of pain and have to be very careful about the stitching. Therefore, you cannot use your abs. However, you will heal faster if you get up and get moving. While in the hospital I would walk constantly, despite the pain. When I got home, I would venture out in the neighborhood, challenging myself to walk a little farther every day. Two weeks after delivery, I was able to walk the 2 mile loop near the beach with my husband, whom was pushing the stroller. This led to me walking everyday that weather permitted, at least 2 miles, while pushing a baby stroller. The other important thing I did was get a big exercise ball - a size that is perfect for you to sit on. Instead of rocking the baby in a chair (which he didn't like anyway), I would hold him and bounce on the ball. I did this for hours a day while watching TV, and the best part is that it entertains the baby and provides great bonding for you both. Just the simple action of balancing on the ball and bouncing will strengthen your core in a safe way, so that when the incision heals, your core is strong enough to move on to more advanced ab work. I continue to bounce on the ball with the baby, daily. He loves it, and I know that I'm burning more calories than I would if I was sitting on the couch. Another significant factor is that I have breastfed my baby and still am breastfeeding. For women out there who may not know this, breastfeeding helps to shrink your uterus back to its normal size. Another one of God's blessings.
Six weeks after the delivery, I was ready to start working out again. I knew that solely going to the gym to do cardio and weights wouldn't work for me because I did not have the motivation to push myself. I found an incredible trainer who is both affordable and focuses on post-partum bodies. Since I am laid off and living off of unemployment right now, I had to be financially smart about all my exercise choices. As you may know, a good trainer will charge upwards of $60/hr. Totally out of my budget. This particular trainer caters to women on a budget by setting up group sessions of 3 to 4 women who each pay $20 for the hour. The hour-long workout consists only of circuit cross-training, which includes rounds of 4 minutes of cardio, then 4 minutes of strength, then 1 minute of abs. All the exercises she has us do, work multiple muscle groups to be the most effective. Same workout and results as a private session, but a fourth of the cost. If you don't know of a particular trainer who works this way, then you should suggest this idea to a trainer you like. They still get the same amount of pay for their work.
Since I don't have any relatives in town, and can't afford a babysitter to go and workout, my husband will watch the baby for an hour every Monday while I'm on my sanity break. This one hour to myself for hard-core exercise, is truly the best $20 a week I have ever invested. It not only allows me time away from the baby, it energizes and motivates me to exercise all week, and also provides some much needed fellow shipping with other women who are in the same boat. After each workout, I'm refreshed, missing my baby, and confident. All of which makes me a better mother. So to the mothers out there who give themselves to many negative reasons why they can't or shouldn't get to the gym at least once a week, you simply NEED it. So do it for your baby.
On a lucky week when my husband, who happens to do sales and works from our home office on occasion, is able to watch the baby, then I try to attend 1 or 2 pilates classes a week. If you do live near relatives who adore your baby and want to watch him for free, then take advantage of that and use that time to get to the gym. Once my baby reaches 6 months old, I will no longer have this problem for he will be old enough to attend the free day-care that my gym provides. That is in 5 weeks and counting. On an unlucky week, which is most of them, then I will try to do the sames exercises that we do in training or in pilates, at home. While the baby is laying down on his play mat, or in his jumparoo, I will set a goal of doing activity through an entire 30 minute TV show. The exercises consist of anything from lunge leg lifts, squat and side leg lifts, to push ups and planks, to cheerleading kicks. The best part is that my baby is entertained by watching mommy jump around like a buffoon. Who knew that my exercise could provide such great stimulation for Little Man?
Again, the key here is to just get moving. Even the simplest exercises several times a day are better than doing nothing at all. There are many days when I try to give myself excuses for not walking the 2 1/2 mile loop or going to pilates, i.e. it's too cold outside for the baby, I'm too tired, etc. On those days, I will do something but maybe in a smaller portion. For example, if I feel it's too cold or windy to walk down by the beach, then I will take a walk around our neighborhood which is always much warmer due to the wind being blocked. It may only be a mile long walk, but it's still better than if I did nothing at all. Another trick I have done since day one, is to not use a stroller or his car seat when I go shopping. I always put him in the sling when he was newborn and small, and now I use the Baby Bjorn when I go to Target, Sam's Club, the grocery store, Barnes and Noble, you name it. It's far more work to carry the baby on your body than to push a cart with him in it.
As for my diet, I don't have one. I'm not a diet-following kind of girl. I don't like depriving myself of cravings because for me, it builds up and one day I go crazy. Like eating an entire bag of Doritos during an Oprah episode. Just like Katie Holmes, I love my sugar and my cravings usually revolve around baked goods. So if I feel like eating a chocolate chip cookie or a cupcake, I will indulge myself. That always satisfies me, and I end it after one. Since my husband and I are dinner people, my breakfast and lunch are small but filling, and I save the biggest meal for last. This may not be what the experts tell you to do, but you have to do what works for your lifestyle and this is what works for mine. I enjoy cooking and have found many ways to make meals healthier by adding vegetables and cutting out the fatty stuff, and all on a tight budget. For a snack mid-day, I will make myself either a small salad or a strawberry smoothie. This does double duty by satisfying my hunger and making sure I get my daily intake of fruits or veggies. My one and only rule for my diet is that I NEVER EVER eat fast food. That is the worst thing you can ever do for yourself and it just makes your body feel like crap. Oh, mainly because there are absolutely NO nutrients in any of it. If I'm ever away from the house and getting hungry, but can't afford a healthy restaurant lunch, then I stop at a Starbucks and get a tall, non-fat latte. That is my coffee drink of choice. Tall is the smallest size, a shot of espresso has less caffeine than a regular size coffee, and the skim milk has almost no calories. The entire drink is only 60 calories and I do not add any sugar or flavored syrup to it. If I'm going to have sugar, then I save it for my sweet treat - a chocolate chip cookie. Between the milk froth and the caffeine, my hunger subsides until I can get home and eat something of substance. As for eating out, I will either share a meal with my husband or bring food home in a to-go box. My whole train of thought is portion control. Learn to know when your body is full. No person needs to eat an entire plate of pasta and bread in one sitting. That is called "exceeding the feed limit" and that is how people get fat. No gimicky diets needed as long as you burn more calories than you take it. It's as simple as that.
The results have been incredible. In four months, the weight has melted off without me having to work as hard at it as I initially thought. The training and the pilates have shaped, toned and tightened all those soft spots, and walking with a stroller is amazing cardio. As long as I kept moving in any way that I had time for, then each week I got a little slimmer. Now, I'm smaller than I was right before I got preggers, and on my way to a size 26 in True Religion language.
I know there are so many reasons we give ourselves for not being able to do something, whether it's time, or money, or energy. Don't listen to your nay-saying self. My advice to all the women out there trying to get their bodies back: Push through the pain.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
The Non-Lazy Husband
Yes, I'm still avidly watching the Biggest Loser. The only reason I missed a few episodes was due to the dang ACC rival games that took over that valued time slot on a few Tuesday evenings. That is the South for ya. Needless to say, I was annoyed that I had to read about my show online, instead of getting to watch the drama unfold for myself. My husband finds my obsession with this show very strange - and I suppose it is. First of all, I'm not a big Reality TV lover. I have friends who love 'Dancing With the Stars', 'American Idol', 'Amazing Race', 'Survivor', 'The Bachelor', and even the raunchy ones such as 'Rock of Love', 'The Hills' (which I don't consider reality tv), 'Keeping up with the Kardashians', 'Real Housewives of OC', and the list goes on. I'm lucky if I catch one or two of those episodes a season. They never capture my attention long enough. However, I will admit to sometimes watching the family reality shows on TLC featuring The Gosselins, The Duggars, and The Roloffs.
So what is it about this weight loss show that has me hooked? I'm still trying to figure that out. What I do know, is that your husband truly loves you when he will sit through a show he loathes, simply because you love it. Each week on Tuesday, he will tell our baby "mommy's show is on tonight, so we won't get a movie". Then he will set the timer on the TV for me, so it will automatically switch to The Biggest Loser at 8pm. He may not be a man of many romantic words or gestures, but this is one of his ways of showing his love for me. I do not take that for granted. I can see the pain on his face during each episode as he watches the contestants give up on their challenges, or complain about how hard the workouts are, or talk about how much food they ate before they got to the ranch. As loving, generous, and thoughtful as my husband is, he is also slightly prejudice about obese people. Not because he thinks they are less than him or anyone else, but because he is the opposite of lazy. Therefore, he cannot comprehend how any person could ever get to the point of obesity.
His pet peeve is laziness. I'm even subjected to it when I don't push my dresser drawers in all the way, and he comes in behind me to "clean up the mess". You can say he is slightly anal. He likes his home, his body and his clothes to look appealing at all times. On the upside, I NEVER, EVER have to nag him about anything. I hear women talking about how they have to nag their husbands to do projects around the home, or clean up, or take out the trash. Not my guy. He does the laundry before I have a chance to, he washes the sheets faithfully every Friday morning, he puts the dishes away before I'm even finished with my drink, and I've never seen the garbage to point of overflowing. As far as projects go, I can just do something as little as picking out a paint swatch, and the next day the room will be painted. That is exactly what happened for our baby's nursery, the kitchen, the bathroom and the dining room (which is done in a beautiful Tuscan faux finish). Most recently, we were re-organizing our home one Saturday and I opened up my closet and mentioned to my husband how (at some point) I wanted to add some more usable space to it. Next thing I know, he said "clean out your closet", as he himself is taking piles of clothes from my closet and throwing them on the bed. In less than an hour, he had added extra racks for me to fit more clothes and I now I have a more organized closet. Some of my friends have joked how it must be hard for me to live with him and his "anal tendencies". My reply is that the alternative is hell and this is heaven for me. I know, I've lived it.
What seems like a lifetime ago, when I was young and naive and stupid, I married a very nice, romantic boy from a wealthy Greek family. It was one of those situations where we had been dating for a while and engagement seemed like the logical next step. At the time, I thought this life was perfect for me. Then, after we moved into our first home, which his parents bought for us, I soon realized that was not at all the life or type of husband I wanted. He was L A Z Y. He NEVER cleaned and was the type of guy to leave his dirty socks lying around. That's a Greek family for you- they don't teach their boys how to take care of themselves. I would come home from a two-day business trip to a sink full of dirty dishes, that I would have to put away before I felt comfortable enough to unpack and go to sleep. If anything in the home needed repairing, he would call his father to come fix it. I would have to constantly nag him to take out the garbage, pick up his dirty clothes, or simply get his butt off the couch and take me out to dinner or a movie or just walk around the neighborhood. Needless to say, any painting or small cosmetic changes around the house were solely left up to me (except on the times when he would ask his mother's opinion for which color we should go with). After two years of that, I was exhausted. I realized that I don't have the energy to stand behind any man with a cattle-prod, just so he will actually take out the garbage before the rats come in for a feast. I knew that being in a relationship like that would mean a lifetime of arguments for me.
I got out of that lazy and dull marriage, having learned a lot about myself in the process. I knew that I didn't want to have children with a man that I could foresee myself being miserable with down the road. I knew that I wanted to have children with a man that I loved unconditionally and complimented each other's strengths and weaknesses. As badly as I wanted children, I knew that I wanted to wait until I could bring them into a relationship that was strong, loving, fun and not dancing with the idea of divorce before they are even born. That part is key, because I've seen many women fall into that "family plan" only to end up divorced with kids in the mix. Primarily, I realized that I wanted the father of my children to have the type of character traits that I wanted to be instilled in my children. In this case, someone who was self-motivated, disciplined, and hard-working in all aspects of his life.
So, when my husband throws out a couple snide yet sarcastic remarks about the lazier contestants on The Biggest Loser, or about how I fail to push my underwear drawer in all the way so it is flush with the dresser, I don't get irritated or even take it personally. Instead, I appreciate the non-lazy man he is, while confident that I can throw away that old cattle-prod.
To the women out there who think it's annoying to live with an anal man such as my husband, all I can say is: Have fun picking up those dirty socks and putting down the toilet seat every day. I'm doing just fine watching my husband fold the laundry, while I catch an episode of The Biggest Loser.
So what is it about this weight loss show that has me hooked? I'm still trying to figure that out. What I do know, is that your husband truly loves you when he will sit through a show he loathes, simply because you love it. Each week on Tuesday, he will tell our baby "mommy's show is on tonight, so we won't get a movie". Then he will set the timer on the TV for me, so it will automatically switch to The Biggest Loser at 8pm. He may not be a man of many romantic words or gestures, but this is one of his ways of showing his love for me. I do not take that for granted. I can see the pain on his face during each episode as he watches the contestants give up on their challenges, or complain about how hard the workouts are, or talk about how much food they ate before they got to the ranch. As loving, generous, and thoughtful as my husband is, he is also slightly prejudice about obese people. Not because he thinks they are less than him or anyone else, but because he is the opposite of lazy. Therefore, he cannot comprehend how any person could ever get to the point of obesity.
His pet peeve is laziness. I'm even subjected to it when I don't push my dresser drawers in all the way, and he comes in behind me to "clean up the mess". You can say he is slightly anal. He likes his home, his body and his clothes to look appealing at all times. On the upside, I NEVER, EVER have to nag him about anything. I hear women talking about how they have to nag their husbands to do projects around the home, or clean up, or take out the trash. Not my guy. He does the laundry before I have a chance to, he washes the sheets faithfully every Friday morning, he puts the dishes away before I'm even finished with my drink, and I've never seen the garbage to point of overflowing. As far as projects go, I can just do something as little as picking out a paint swatch, and the next day the room will be painted. That is exactly what happened for our baby's nursery, the kitchen, the bathroom and the dining room (which is done in a beautiful Tuscan faux finish). Most recently, we were re-organizing our home one Saturday and I opened up my closet and mentioned to my husband how (at some point) I wanted to add some more usable space to it. Next thing I know, he said "clean out your closet", as he himself is taking piles of clothes from my closet and throwing them on the bed. In less than an hour, he had added extra racks for me to fit more clothes and I now I have a more organized closet. Some of my friends have joked how it must be hard for me to live with him and his "anal tendencies". My reply is that the alternative is hell and this is heaven for me. I know, I've lived it.
What seems like a lifetime ago, when I was young and naive and stupid, I married a very nice, romantic boy from a wealthy Greek family. It was one of those situations where we had been dating for a while and engagement seemed like the logical next step. At the time, I thought this life was perfect for me. Then, after we moved into our first home, which his parents bought for us, I soon realized that was not at all the life or type of husband I wanted. He was L A Z Y. He NEVER cleaned and was the type of guy to leave his dirty socks lying around. That's a Greek family for you- they don't teach their boys how to take care of themselves. I would come home from a two-day business trip to a sink full of dirty dishes, that I would have to put away before I felt comfortable enough to unpack and go to sleep. If anything in the home needed repairing, he would call his father to come fix it. I would have to constantly nag him to take out the garbage, pick up his dirty clothes, or simply get his butt off the couch and take me out to dinner or a movie or just walk around the neighborhood. Needless to say, any painting or small cosmetic changes around the house were solely left up to me (except on the times when he would ask his mother's opinion for which color we should go with). After two years of that, I was exhausted. I realized that I don't have the energy to stand behind any man with a cattle-prod, just so he will actually take out the garbage before the rats come in for a feast. I knew that being in a relationship like that would mean a lifetime of arguments for me.
I got out of that lazy and dull marriage, having learned a lot about myself in the process. I knew that I didn't want to have children with a man that I could foresee myself being miserable with down the road. I knew that I wanted to have children with a man that I loved unconditionally and complimented each other's strengths and weaknesses. As badly as I wanted children, I knew that I wanted to wait until I could bring them into a relationship that was strong, loving, fun and not dancing with the idea of divorce before they are even born. That part is key, because I've seen many women fall into that "family plan" only to end up divorced with kids in the mix. Primarily, I realized that I wanted the father of my children to have the type of character traits that I wanted to be instilled in my children. In this case, someone who was self-motivated, disciplined, and hard-working in all aspects of his life.
So, when my husband throws out a couple snide yet sarcastic remarks about the lazier contestants on The Biggest Loser, or about how I fail to push my underwear drawer in all the way so it is flush with the dresser, I don't get irritated or even take it personally. Instead, I appreciate the non-lazy man he is, while confident that I can throw away that old cattle-prod.
To the women out there who think it's annoying to live with an anal man such as my husband, all I can say is: Have fun picking up those dirty socks and putting down the toilet seat every day. I'm doing just fine watching my husband fold the laundry, while I catch an episode of The Biggest Loser.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
The Week I Lost My Sanity ... and Gained A Little Weight
Yes, I have been MIA for a couple of weeks now, primarily due to the demands of motherhood .. oh and life in general. I truly desired and attempted a few times, to write a blog entry or two last week as ideas came into my head. However, I was excruciatingly exhausted, which left me partially brain dead. Thus, the lack of ability to write a word let alone an entire blog entry. Last week was positively the most difficult week I've had since motherhood began for me. Possibly the only difficult week so far. The hardest part for me was trying to get my sweet little baby to finally sleep through the night so that I can transition him into his crib soon. No, my husband and I are not the type of parents who can do this thing cold turkey and let him cry himself to sleep every night for 2 weeks.
My son just turned 4 months on February 3rd but has been teething for a solid month and a half. He already has 2 white specks poking their way through his bottom gum. Therefore, he is excessively drooling and endlessly cranky. Much to be expected, of course. Back in early December, before his teething began, he was sleeping well and only getting up once a night to nurse. However, when the teething began, then the fussiness followed and the nursing increased, which left me with an uphill battle in the sleeping department. Which leads me to last week. After the checkup with the pediatrician, I was assured that my hungry little guy could last through the night without starving, so we came up with a "baby step" plan to get him sleeping through the night and then transition Little Man to the crib. These baby steps are more for the benefit of my husband and I. We're tough, just not that tough. Basically, the end result was that I was the one up all night every night, to the point that I don't believe I ever achieved REM sleep. During the day, I was a walking zombie, with bags under my eyes, tired looking skin, nappy hair, not able to speak complete sentences - the whole bit. The exhuastion started a snowball effect of not having the energy to excersize, which then led to bad eating habits of taking in too much junk food. Hence, the weight gain. Mentally, that was the worst part for me because I have been on a steady decline every week since delivery. Granted I have already lost the pregnancy pounds and fit well into most of my jeans, but my goal is to get back to my "dating" body. The body I had when I actually had the ability to lure in men like my husband. I even prayed Friday evening that I would be able to get ample rest Friday night so I could muster the energy to go for a 2 mile walk.
Lo and behold, somehow the miracle happened. The baby suddenly switched gears from his nightly multiple feeding pattern to once a night between 4 -5 am. (I really tried cutting this one out as well but came to accept the fact that he is just ravenous by this time and far more stubborn than I am). I woke up Saturday morning with a renewed sense of energy and then thanked God for his help, because without it, I'd be a walking vegetable by now, or worse, a couch potato.
As for our next baby step, we realized that Little Man could use some extra calories in his diet, which may help to getting him to cut back on his nightly nursing. So far, not so good. He is not a lover of organic rice cereal or eating from a spoon. He much prefers the breast. His daddy can't blame him on that one. Compared to "Hell Week" though, these next baby steps will be a piece of cake.... and they say Navy Seals have it tough with sleep deprivation. Ha! Try motherhood.
My son just turned 4 months on February 3rd but has been teething for a solid month and a half. He already has 2 white specks poking their way through his bottom gum. Therefore, he is excessively drooling and endlessly cranky. Much to be expected, of course. Back in early December, before his teething began, he was sleeping well and only getting up once a night to nurse. However, when the teething began, then the fussiness followed and the nursing increased, which left me with an uphill battle in the sleeping department. Which leads me to last week. After the checkup with the pediatrician, I was assured that my hungry little guy could last through the night without starving, so we came up with a "baby step" plan to get him sleeping through the night and then transition Little Man to the crib. These baby steps are more for the benefit of my husband and I. We're tough, just not that tough. Basically, the end result was that I was the one up all night every night, to the point that I don't believe I ever achieved REM sleep. During the day, I was a walking zombie, with bags under my eyes, tired looking skin, nappy hair, not able to speak complete sentences - the whole bit. The exhuastion started a snowball effect of not having the energy to excersize, which then led to bad eating habits of taking in too much junk food. Hence, the weight gain. Mentally, that was the worst part for me because I have been on a steady decline every week since delivery. Granted I have already lost the pregnancy pounds and fit well into most of my jeans, but my goal is to get back to my "dating" body. The body I had when I actually had the ability to lure in men like my husband. I even prayed Friday evening that I would be able to get ample rest Friday night so I could muster the energy to go for a 2 mile walk.
Lo and behold, somehow the miracle happened. The baby suddenly switched gears from his nightly multiple feeding pattern to once a night between 4 -5 am. (I really tried cutting this one out as well but came to accept the fact that he is just ravenous by this time and far more stubborn than I am). I woke up Saturday morning with a renewed sense of energy and then thanked God for his help, because without it, I'd be a walking vegetable by now, or worse, a couch potato.
As for our next baby step, we realized that Little Man could use some extra calories in his diet, which may help to getting him to cut back on his nightly nursing. So far, not so good. He is not a lover of organic rice cereal or eating from a spoon. He much prefers the breast. His daddy can't blame him on that one. Compared to "Hell Week" though, these next baby steps will be a piece of cake.... and they say Navy Seals have it tough with sleep deprivation. Ha! Try motherhood.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
My rant time.... nap time!?
Okay, I am really pissed off about something. How can someone get so pissed off planning a 1 year olds birthday party? Can someone please tell me if this is normal?
SO my husband has these "friends" who basically mooched off of him for years. This couple has 2 daughters, 1 1/2 and 2 1/2 years old. We have been to each of their birthday parties; we even brought baby A when she was 5 months old to one of them. The Mom works so the kids go to daycare every day - all day long- and she told me that she gets home, feeds and bathes them and puts them to bed at 6:30. Dad doesn't even get home from work until at least 8 pm. So you think they would want to spend some quality time with their kids on the weekend? Maybe at a beautiful waterfront park celebrating another little girls birthday party?
NOOOOO, this was the response on the evite. "The girls nap at that time. Maybe (the dad) will stop by." Mind you the party is from 2-5. What, they sleep for 3 hours and then you put them to bed immediately again at 6:30? What gives with that bedtime anyway when you never see your kids? I guess they need to be rested to get back in the car to head to daycare at 7am the next morning.
These are the same kids that she doesn't let go to the beach or pool between 10:30 and 4 because of the sun possibly burning them. Ever hear of sunscreen, psycho? We finally met them once to go to the pool and yeh, the pool was heated but it was freezing when we got out! That cannot be better for them than seeing the light of day.
I really didn't like this woman when I met her because we have nothing in common. At all. I tried though. I am done now. This woman is a neurotic mess!
All I want to say is: "You know how you hated being such a dork in school? Let me tell you why..... and you're grooming your kids to be exactly the same."
SO my husband has these "friends" who basically mooched off of him for years. This couple has 2 daughters, 1 1/2 and 2 1/2 years old. We have been to each of their birthday parties; we even brought baby A when she was 5 months old to one of them. The Mom works so the kids go to daycare every day - all day long- and she told me that she gets home, feeds and bathes them and puts them to bed at 6:30. Dad doesn't even get home from work until at least 8 pm. So you think they would want to spend some quality time with their kids on the weekend? Maybe at a beautiful waterfront park celebrating another little girls birthday party?
NOOOOO, this was the response on the evite. "The girls nap at that time. Maybe (the dad) will stop by." Mind you the party is from 2-5. What, they sleep for 3 hours and then you put them to bed immediately again at 6:30? What gives with that bedtime anyway when you never see your kids? I guess they need to be rested to get back in the car to head to daycare at 7am the next morning.
These are the same kids that she doesn't let go to the beach or pool between 10:30 and 4 because of the sun possibly burning them. Ever hear of sunscreen, psycho? We finally met them once to go to the pool and yeh, the pool was heated but it was freezing when we got out! That cannot be better for them than seeing the light of day.
I really didn't like this woman when I met her because we have nothing in common. At all. I tried though. I am done now. This woman is a neurotic mess!
All I want to say is: "You know how you hated being such a dork in school? Let me tell you why..... and you're grooming your kids to be exactly the same."
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
My Husband, The Good Father
Before we had our baby, I, like most women out there, would imagine the kind of father my husband would be. I would create images in my head of him holding and kissing the baby, rocking him to sleep, talking to him in his "baby voice", and doing the dad type of things such as throwing him in the air as the baby laughs. I always knew he would be a hands-on, doting father.
I knew this because men are predictable in this fashion. He was always caring, thoughtful, nurturing and doting toward me. From our first date, he had that sense of "needing to provide", that many men have (but trust me, there are a lot of men out there lacking this trait). However, since we were rarely around children, the true test came when I could see the kind of "father" he would be toward our English Bulldog puppy that I surprised him with 2 years ago. Of course he passed with flying colors. His "princess", as he lovingly refers to her, is loved to the brink of being spoiled. I think at one point, I was slightly suspicious that he might love our dog more than he loved me. He never treated her as our pet, she was always our child. She slept in the bed with us, he would cuddle her and kiss her wrinkly face that only a father could love, but he was equally firm with disciplining her. She has turned out to be a sweet and well-behaved dog. After seeing all this first hand, I was convinced he would be an excellent father; and I was right. All of those loving parental traits carried over seamlessly to our baby. From the moment our little man arrived, my husband easily melded into the role of doting daddy. There were no awkward moments for him holding the baby, they bonded immediately (even before I had a chance to), and he was the first one to change the baby's diaper since I could barely move due to the pain from my c-section. Not once did I ever have to show my husband how to do anything in regards to caring for our baby. Pretty nice, I have to admit.
The thing that I did not anticipate, is that he would continue to love our bulldog as his "delicate precious angel" and our baby boy as his "tough guy" that can handle a little crying. I'm glad that he hasn't just kicked our dog out to the garage simply because we have a baby now, I just assumed there would be a hierarchy in the family order. As for me, I love our "little girl", but she has definitely taken a back seat to the demands of the baby. And quite frankly, I naturally love my baby a whole lot more than the dog. However, there are times when it is clearly hard to decipher if the dog or baby is more favored by him. My husband is such a good father in fact, that he goes to great lengths to make sure the love and attention is equally spread out between "his princess" and his son. He still tucks the dog in each night, as she still shares our bed with us, only now, I have to find space in our bed to nurse the baby at night. If I rock or coddle the baby, my husband will automatically do the same to the dog "so she won't feel left out". When he is traveling for work, the first thing he will ask about is "how his precious angel is doing", and since he has never given me that name, I know it's not me that he is referring to. He even greets the dog first when he walks in the door. The funny part is that he will lovingly remind me to kiss, or cuddle, or massage our bulldog when he is away. HA! Like I have the time!
I will say that it took a little time for me to accept the fact that he was not going to put the dog second to the baby, the way I did. They are equal in his eyes. My conclusion from these observations: That my husband is not just a good father, he is an excellent father and has the ability to play no favorites in his family. He will truly be able to give all of his children equal attention (maybe it's the middle child syndrome). It is I, who may have the problem splitting time and attention between multiple children. We'll see.
I knew this because men are predictable in this fashion. He was always caring, thoughtful, nurturing and doting toward me. From our first date, he had that sense of "needing to provide", that many men have (but trust me, there are a lot of men out there lacking this trait). However, since we were rarely around children, the true test came when I could see the kind of "father" he would be toward our English Bulldog puppy that I surprised him with 2 years ago. Of course he passed with flying colors. His "princess", as he lovingly refers to her, is loved to the brink of being spoiled. I think at one point, I was slightly suspicious that he might love our dog more than he loved me. He never treated her as our pet, she was always our child. She slept in the bed with us, he would cuddle her and kiss her wrinkly face that only a father could love, but he was equally firm with disciplining her. She has turned out to be a sweet and well-behaved dog. After seeing all this first hand, I was convinced he would be an excellent father; and I was right. All of those loving parental traits carried over seamlessly to our baby. From the moment our little man arrived, my husband easily melded into the role of doting daddy. There were no awkward moments for him holding the baby, they bonded immediately (even before I had a chance to), and he was the first one to change the baby's diaper since I could barely move due to the pain from my c-section. Not once did I ever have to show my husband how to do anything in regards to caring for our baby. Pretty nice, I have to admit.
The thing that I did not anticipate, is that he would continue to love our bulldog as his "delicate precious angel" and our baby boy as his "tough guy" that can handle a little crying. I'm glad that he hasn't just kicked our dog out to the garage simply because we have a baby now, I just assumed there would be a hierarchy in the family order. As for me, I love our "little girl", but she has definitely taken a back seat to the demands of the baby. And quite frankly, I naturally love my baby a whole lot more than the dog. However, there are times when it is clearly hard to decipher if the dog or baby is more favored by him. My husband is such a good father in fact, that he goes to great lengths to make sure the love and attention is equally spread out between "his princess" and his son. He still tucks the dog in each night, as she still shares our bed with us, only now, I have to find space in our bed to nurse the baby at night. If I rock or coddle the baby, my husband will automatically do the same to the dog "so she won't feel left out". When he is traveling for work, the first thing he will ask about is "how his precious angel is doing", and since he has never given me that name, I know it's not me that he is referring to. He even greets the dog first when he walks in the door. The funny part is that he will lovingly remind me to kiss, or cuddle, or massage our bulldog when he is away. HA! Like I have the time!
I will say that it took a little time for me to accept the fact that he was not going to put the dog second to the baby, the way I did. They are equal in his eyes. My conclusion from these observations: That my husband is not just a good father, he is an excellent father and has the ability to play no favorites in his family. He will truly be able to give all of his children equal attention (maybe it's the middle child syndrome). It is I, who may have the problem splitting time and attention between multiple children. We'll see.
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